Explaining Mental Illness to Children

Mental Health Information

Explaining Mental Illness to Children

When a Parent Has a Mental Illness

Parents and providers need to be aware of the importance of talking with children about their parent's mental illness. Many times children may appear to be unaffected by what is occurring around them. However, children are much more aware of their surroundings than most adults realize. Many times children are unable to verbalize questions or concerns they may have, so it is the job of the parent or other close adult to help children understand as much as they can about a parent's mental illness, behavior, or hospitalization.

Growing up in any family can be challenging, but there are often very different challenges for families in which a parent has a mental illness. Children in these families often deal with an unstable and often unpredictable home environment. Many times there are role reversal issues, such as older siblings caring for younger siblings or for the ill parent. Children often take on responsibilities for household management as well and do not receive the parental care or nurturing that they need for good development. They often feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about their situation and tend to withdraw, feeling isolated and alone.

Important Points to Consider BEFORE Talking to Your Children


  • 20% of the U.S. population will develop a mental illness sometime in their lifetime.
  • Mental illness is treatable, but there is no present cure.
  • Mental illness is not necessarily inherited. It is believed that a combination of genetic determinants and environmental stressors cause the onset of mental illness.
  • A child's main concern is how his/her life will be affected.
  • Children may think that they are the cause of the illness.
  • Too much information at one time can be overwhelming to the child.
  • Your attitude about mental illness may be picked up and imitated by your children.
  • Despite the time and energy that must be set aside to care for a mentally ill family member, time and energy must also be set aside for the other family members, especially children.
  • Children are resilient; they can overcome severe adversity, but they need positive adult support to do so in most cases. All of their questions should be answered completely and honestly, yet the information should be appropriate for their age.

    • Age Appropriate Topics for Children


    What you should tell children up to age 6:
  • You can tell the child that the parent might have to take some medication to feel better.

    • What you should tell children ages 7 - 10:
  • Children of this age should be able to understand that the problem is with the parent's thinking and shows up in their behavior.
  • Explain that the parent is not behaving this way on purpose.
  • Explain that medication and other help is provided to assist with the parent's thinking and behavior.

    • What you should tell children 11 - 13:
  • Questions should be answered as fully as possible and openly.
  • Address the child's anger, confusion, or sadness as natural feelings and remind them that it is okay to have these feelings.
  • Remind the child that they are probably having some of the same feelings that the parent is having about the mental illness.

    • Other Points to Consider When Talking to a Child about a Parent's Mental Illness


  • If the parent is not acting the way he or she is used to, it is not the child's fault.
  • The parent still cares for and loves the child, he or she is just not able to express those feelings the same way.
  • Explain medication the same way you would for a physical illness.
  • If children do not ask any questions, do not assume that they do not have questions. Ask the child what they think is going on.
  • Children may or may not be able to visit their parent in the hospital, but the children will most likely be allowed to send cards and notes as well as talk to the parent on the phone. Children should be talk about the hospital routine.
  • If the child is still having difficulty understanding or adjusting, talk to the mental health provider, doctor, or social worker. They may make suggestions such as family therapy, individual child therapy, or even an art therapy group for the child.